The Art of Saying No

Being the indecisive person that I am, making big decisions is such a challenge for me. Along with that is my inability to say no. I find myself going on second and third dates with people that I am not interested in, just so I don't have to say no to them. I am still working at a job that I don't really like because I don't want to have to quit and say no to them. I don't respond to texts or return phone calls if I know I am going to have to let someone down and say no.

So why is this a problem? Well I am constantly and eternally plagued with the feelings that I have to say yes to people in order for them to appreciate me and respect me. Yes I will do that for you, yes you can come over, yes I will come over (even though it is 1 am), yes I will cook food for you so that you can go hang out with your friends, yes I will volunteer at this event, yes I pick this person up, yes I will come go to this meeting, yes I will go out with you again (even though you refuse to pay for me), yes I will cover your shift, and yes I will completely ignore the things that I actually have to do that way I will get your praise and appreciation. This is such a terrible conflicting feeling and although I love the praise I receive for doing things for other people, I often neglect the people or things that matter most in order to do these things for these other people. 

This whole saying "no" thing recently came into play. I found a great internship with the company Martha's Table. I applied on a whim and was given an interview. I was so excited because this internship would mean working with kids all day in the heart of Washington DC. I loved the idea of living on my own in an unknown city. Riding the train to work and heading off to see the sights all alone in DC. After interviewing with the sweetest lady, I was given the internship. Of course I wanted to immediately say yes, but I told her I needed a few days to work everything out and I would let her know. I talked with my family and friends and came to the wise decision that I should not take the internship. I would not be making money and I would be spending a lot of money to live there. I should stay in Provo and work and look for opportunities closer to home. Even as I write this now I have feelings of sadness towards the email that I just sent where I had to say no. I had to let someone down who was relying on me. I had to say no to an exciting opportunity that I was given. But I know I will be happy in Provo! I get to spend the summer having adventures, making money, being with my amazing friends, and making memories in the city that I only have a year left in. DC will always be around, but my time as a single person in Provo is quickly coming to an end. 

So, one small step to being better at saying no. Hopefully I can put this into use some more. Practice makes perfect am I right?

On a ligher note, I have the best of friends. How could I be so lucky to find friends who understand everything about me from my weird sense of humor to my boy drama to my crying fits over letting our bunny go (sorry I cried! Still don't know why that happened). Hopefully everyone has friends as great as I do, what would I do without these girls who let me wake them up at four in the morning to talk about scandalous situations and go to see chick flicks we've already seen just for fun! So sad that in a year from now I will be leaving the girls that I met almost three years ago as young naive freshies! 

For now, C'est La Vie--finals are almost over and Summer 2013 is here!